Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Reviewed! 2 classic alien sleazefests.

Wham Bam, Thank You Spaceman and Oversexed Rugsuckers from Mars

Six or seven years a go, while scrolling through the cult movie category on some DVD distributor's website, I discovered Wham Bam Thank You Spaceman! If you've never seen this classic piece of 80s sleaze I'm referring to, it's past time you find yourself a copy. It's a rather tasty piece of cinema about two blue-skinned aluminum foil-wearing aliens who land on the Sunset Strip and quickly seek out hookers to impregnate with their alien goo. You see these aliens are sex-starved and as close as I can figure there's also the dual purpose of breeding to preserve their dying race. Usually when the plot revolves around aliens coming to earth to knock boots with human women it has something to do with the alien's own populations dwindling or having recently become extinct and well, this movie is no exception. The aliens, however, just come off as a couple of horn dog Peeping Toms who happen to stumble upon every single couple in LA in the midst of getting it on and it excites them. So, like I said, they pick up a couple chicks and decide to try it for themselves. Only they don't have real penises persay, they have intercourse with their tongues. Long, serpent-like tongues. Now the ladies think they've found themselves a guy who knows how to work his lollipop-licker like Gene Simmons on PCP but they don't realize they're actually engaging in interplanetary intercourse. Perhaps their salivary glands produce alien semen? Hell I don't know. Honestly there just isn't much plot going on in Wham Bam Thank You Spaceman and Id be very surprised if the writer really thought about it too much. It's in essence a softcore T&A extravaganza with blue aliens and gratuitous Dyanne Thorne (Ilsa, She-Wolf of the SS).

            The reason I mention Wham Bam Thank You Spaceman is because watching Oversexed Rugsuckers from Mars recently, I immediately recalled my first experience with immature sexed up extraterrestrials. Only in Rugsuckers, the aliens don't jump in on the action. They kind of play the part of constant voyeur. But then, it's a little more complicated than that because the aliens in this movie are "seeders." They actually started humanity here on Earth a few million years a go and after millions of years away, they decide to revisit Earth and see just how well their science experiment has worked. The aliens are no bigger than an action figure and their spacecraft is your typical round UFO type thing with antennae on top. Their little spaceship lands in some part of town where some homeless folks are congregated so their first impression isn't too god. Millions of years of evolution and this is as far as they got? They're filthy," The aliens cry. So they hatch a new plan; mate a human with a vacuum cleaner. This way there'll be a whole new species that is much better at cleaning up after itself. It's at this point where you know you're in for a treat. I know what you're thinking, "how can it get any better than this? "Well, it does. You see, one of our little alien friends is also an alcoholic and he makes a mistake with the program controls and boom! Our vacuum cleaner just runs around raping and murdering people. I'm not joking.

            The rest of the movie focuses on our deranged vacuum cleaner running around, popping up in women's bathrooms and having its way with them. Do you need to know anything else about this movie to know you should watch it? I mean, if your idea of a good time is Claymation aliens, rapist vacuums, naked breasts, and clever dialogue like:

Did you put lotion on your dork again," girl asks while going down on her boyfriend.

Why babe," he wonders.

Cause you taste like a summer beach!

Then you are certainly the audience for this movie!

     Yep, Oversexed Rugsuckers from Mars is definitely in the same league as Wham Bam Thank You Spaceman, another movie known for its clever dialogue. Like when the two aliens decide to double up on a hooker. Let's ball this bitch. How 2 classic movies like Oversexed Rugsuckers from Mars and Wham Bam Thank You Spaceman made it through Oscar season without 1 nomination, is a complete mystery to me. The sad part is, I'm dead serious. If you're not entertained by raunchy alien sexual exploits, you're no friend of mine.

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