A
while back I came across an article where Bruce Campbell had revealed in an
interview for something to do with the Evil Dead remake, that he was working on
developing a horror version of The
Expendables. I thought, “Hey, that could be pretty
cool. Instead of rounding up all the big action stars of the 70s, 80s, and 90s, why
not round up all the cinematic madmen of the same period and let them wreak havoc
with and against one another for our delight?” Then I kind of forgot
all about it for months. That all changed when I saw a Q&A with Kane “Jason
Voorhees” Hodder in which he confirmed the internet rumblings
that Bruce was, indeed, still very much at work on making the movie a reality.
Suddenly my head began to spin. I mean, what would this movie be? I doubt these
guys would be reprising their most famous roles because the characters all
belong to different studios and at least a few of them have been sadly replaced in
remakes of their original classic at this point. So it would have to be an
original story but how do we get them to commit violence against one another?
Cause let’s be honest, no one would go see a movie like this if it
didn’t involve massive amounts of carnage. It would certainly
have to overtake the level of bloodshed seen in The Expendables. The more I think about it, there are so many
scenarios in which we could get these famous axe-men hacking each other to
bits. I just hope it’s not tongue-in-cheek. There can
be a little humor, sure. But it’s got to have guts, literally.
Just
who would be featured in an Expendables
type horror flick? Well, obviously Kane Hodder is involved. Why wouldn’t
he be? The guy is the only person to ever play Jason Voorhees (Friday the 13th) more than
once, at a total of 4 times. He would’ve done it again had he
been asked. He’s also Victor Crowley in the Hatchet series and can be seen in Prison, Project Metalbeast, Wishmaster, and Ed Gein: Butcher of Plainfield. Bruce
has also mentioned Mr. Freddy Krueger himself, Robert Englund. Is there anyone
more synonymous with one character in modern horror than Robert Englund? He
played Freddy Krueger in 8 feature films and a 50+ episode TV series.
Plus he’s known for V,
Eaten Alive, 2001 Maniacs, Night Terrors, The Phantom of the Opera (1989), The Mangler, and Zombie Strippers. But who else could be involved in a big horror
icon mash em’ up? Check out my potential list
below.
Bruce Campbell- Obvious I know. But besides
writing and directing this thing, he has to be in front of the camera too. He’s
Ash of Evil Dead! Also, he can be
seen in Maniac Cop, Bubba Ho-Tep, Moon Trap, Mindwarp, and Sundown: The Vampire in Retreat.
Doug Bradley- A classy English gentleman most
probably wouldn’t recognize without 144
strategically planted nails in his cranium. Yep, Pinhead of Hellraiser fame. Let’s
not forget Nightbreed, Killer Tongue,
Book of Blood, Pumpkin Head: Ashes to Ashes, and The Cottage.
Jeffrey Combs- Jeff is most known for playing Herbert
West in the Re-Animator films. He’s
also played Poe in a successful theatre production and Stuart Gordon’s
Masters of Horror segment, The Black Cat.
Not to mention From Beyond, The
Frighteners, Abominable, Fear.Com,
Necronomicon: Book of the Dead, I Still Know What You Last Summer Did and
his voice role as The Scarecrow in the revamped Batman The Animated Series, also known as The New Batman Adventures.
Tony Todd- Most known for his role as the
hook-wielding evil of Candyman, Tony’s
been in a whole mess of genre films. Night
of the Living Dead (1990), Voodoo
Dawn, Final Destination, The Crow,
Wishmaster, Murder-Set-Pieces, and Shadow:
Dead Riot to name a few.
Angus Scrimm- One of the eldest contenders at age
87, Angus is best known as The Tall Man, evil mortician/graverobber of the Phantasm series. Angus has also appeared
in I Sell the Dead, Incident On and Off a Mountain Road, Satan Hates You,
Subspecies, Mindwarp, Chopping Mall,
and Scream Bloody Murder.
Brad Dourif- Most recognizable as the voice of
Chucky the killer doll in the popular Child’s Play movies, Brad
has also been in One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, Rob Zombie’s Halloween, Dune, Alien: Resurrection, Death Machine,
Trauma, Graveyard Shift, and The
Exorcist III.
Sid Haig- Sid is one of those guys that’s
been everywhere. Beach movie to Batman, James Bond to Women's
Prison flicks. But he’s probably best known for his
roles as Ralph in Spider Baby and 40
years later, Captain Spaulding in House
of 1,000 Corpses and The Devil’s Rejects. He’s
also in THX 1138, Galaxy of Terror, Blood
Bath, Brotherhood of Blood, and Creature.
Bill Moseley- Bill will forever be asked to shout
out, “Lick my plate, you dogs dicks,”
at horror conventions everywhere. The phrase was first uttered by Bill, in
character, as Choptop in The Texas Chainsaw Massacre Part II. Bill’s
also been in Crash and Burn, Silent Night Deadly Night III: Better Watch
Out, The Convent, Thr3e, House of 1,000 Corpses,
The Devil’s
Rejects, Repo! The Genetic Opera, and The
Alphabet Killer.
Tobin Bell- Tobin was never really a horror fan.
His closest brush with the genre was on The
X-Files. Then he played the Jigsaw Killer in Saw and his career became a little redder. He played Jigsaw in 6
sequels and also took on roles in Buried
Alive, Decoys 3, and Boogeyman 3.
Gunnar Hansen- The first man to wear the dead skin
mask as Leatherface in The Texas Chainsaw
Massacre, Gunnar hasn’t been extremely active in
movies. In fact, he’s always been more interested in
writing. But to this day he loves recalling stories from the set of Tobe Hooper’s
original Chainsaw. Appropriately
enough, whenever he returns to the silver screen, he’s
more often than not, involved with chainsawing something. Check him out in Chainsaw Hookers, Mosquito, Reykjavik Whale
Watching Massacre, Chainsaw Sally, Demon Lover, and Campfire Tales.
Christopher Lee- The Eldest possible cast member,
Christopher Lee just celebrated his 91st birthday. It’s
been a long and prolific career, one that continues to this day. He’ll
always be remembered as the Count himself in The Horror of Dracula but he’s got more genre credits
to his name than most anyone in the history of cinema. Check out The Wicker Man, The City of the Dead,
Howling II: Your Sister’s
A Werewolf, The Mummy (1959), Castle
of the Living Dead, The Devil Rides Out, The Whip and the Body, The Satanic Rites of Dracula, The Gorgon, She,
The Face of Fu Manchu, Curse of the Crimson Altar, and Sleepy Hollow.
Michael Berryman- Michael is, without a doubt, the
face of Wes Craven’s classic The Hills Have Eyes. He’s
also graced the horror world with appearances in Teenage Exorcist, The Hills Have Eyes Part II, The Devil’s Rejects, Smash Cut, Cut
and Run, One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s
Nest, and Deadly Blessing.
Ken Foree- Famous for the role of Peter in the
original Dawn of the Dead, the physically imposing yet personable Ken Foree has also appeared in
From Beyond, Leatherface: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre Part III, The Devil’s
Rejects, Phantom of the Mall: Eric’s Revenge, Death Spa, and
Brotherhood of Blood.
Udo Kier- He’ll always be known for
proclaiming, “Ze blood of these whores is
killing me,” in Paul Morissey’s classic, The Blood of Dracula. He’s
also been in Flesh for Frankenstein, The Story of O, Suspiria, Shadow of the
Vampire, Island of the Bloody Plantation, Spermula, and Mark of the Devil.
So, what do we think?
