Wham Bam, Thank You Spaceman and Oversexed Rugsuckers from Mars
Six or seven years a go,
while scrolling through the cult movie category on some DVD distributor's
website, I discovered Wham Bam Thank You
Spaceman! If you've never seen this classic piece of
80s sleaze I'm referring to, it's
past time you find yourself a copy. It's a rather tasty piece of
cinema about two blue-skinned aluminum foil-wearing aliens who land on the
Sunset Strip and quickly seek out hookers to impregnate with their alien goo.
You see these aliens are sex-starved and as close as I can figure there's also the dual purpose of breeding to preserve their dying race. Usually when the plot revolves around aliens coming to earth to knock boots with human
women it has something to do with the alien's own populations
dwindling or having recently become extinct and well, this movie is no exception. The aliens, however, just come off as
a couple of horn dog Peeping Toms who happen to stumble upon every single couple in
LA in the midst of getting it on and it excites them. So, like I said, they
pick up a couple chicks and decide to try it for themselves. Only they don't
have real penises persay, they have intercourse with their tongues. Long,
serpent-like tongues. Now the ladies think they've found themselves a guy
who knows how to work his lollipop-licker like Gene Simmons on PCP but they don't realize they're actually engaging in interplanetary intercourse. Perhaps their salivary glands produce alien semen?
Hell I don't know. Honestly there just isn't
much plot going on in Wham Bam Thank You
Spaceman and I’d be very surprised if the “writer”
really thought about it too much. It's in essence a softcore
T&A extravaganza with blue aliens and gratuitous Dyanne Thorne (Ilsa, She-Wolf of the SS).
The
reason I mention Wham Bam Thank You
Spaceman is because watching Oversexed
Rugsuckers from Mars recently, I immediately recalled my first experience
with immature sexed up extraterrestrials. Only in Rugsuckers, the aliens don't jump in on the action.
They kind of play the part of constant voyeur. But then, it's
a little more complicated than that because the aliens in this movie are
"seeders." They actually started humanity here on Earth a few million years a go
and after millions of years away, they decide to revisit Earth and see just how
well their science experiment has worked. The aliens are no bigger than an
action figure and their spacecraft is your typical round UFO type thing with
antennae on top. Their little spaceship lands in some part of town where some
homeless folks are congregated so their first impression isn't
too god. “Millions of years of evolution and this is as far as
they got? They're filthy," The aliens cry. So they hatch a new plan; mate a human with a vacuum cleaner.
This way there'll be a whole new species that is
much better at cleaning up after itself. It's at this point where you
know you're in for a treat. I know what you're
thinking, "how can it get any better than this? "Well, it does. You see, one of our little alien friends is also an alcoholic
and he makes a mistake with the program controls and boom! Our vacuum cleaner
just runs around raping and murdering people. I'm not joking.
The
rest of the movie focuses on our deranged vacuum cleaner running around,
popping up in women's bathrooms and having its way
with them. Do you need to know anything else about this movie to know you
should watch it? I mean, if your idea of a good time is Claymation
aliens, rapist vacuums, naked breasts, and clever dialogue like:
“Did you put lotion on your dork again," girl asks while going down on her boyfriend.
“Why babe," he wonders.
“Cause you taste like a
summer beach!”
Then you are certainly the audience for this movie!
Then you are certainly the audience for this movie!
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